Sgt Stitches Armory

FOR SALE: The Don't Fucking Care Bears AR-15 5.56/223

Ever wanted to own a firearm that looks like it was forged in the back room of a strip club during a manic episode? Meet the Fingerblaster 5000, a cursed AR-15 that’s equal parts firepower and psychological warfare.

This rifle is engraved head to toe in angry micro-peens, middle fingers pointed in every direction like a rebellious octopus, and a gang of emotionally damaged cartoon bears who look like they just got laid off from a meth lab daycare.

These bears? Yeah. They're pissed. They've seen things.
They’ve got dead stares, slumped shoulders, and that “I’m one parking ticket from snapping” energy. One’s holding a heart, but it’s clearly stolen. Another’s got a bat wrapped in barbed wire and the thousand-yard stare of someone who's been to Burning Man and prison — twice.

SPECS:

• Caliber: 5.56mm NATO / 100% legal in hell

• Finish: Gloss Black with a Rainbow of no fucks to give, or the I'm a pussy version (Black Cherry) 

• Laser Engraving:

  • Tons of tiny penises—think Greek statues, but angrier

  • So many middle fingers it looks like a tactical fuck-you mosaic

  • Cartoon bears that have clearly stopped giving a shit around 2008

• Comes with:

  • One magazine (metal)

  • One identity crisis (emotional)

  • One exorcism (recommended)

INTENDED USE:

• Range day? More like deranged day

• Home defense with an emphasis on offending the intruder’s sense of decency

• The perfect gift for your friend who vapes diesel and pisses off the HOA just by existing

• Makes your other rifles look like virgins

DISCLAIMERS:

• Not safe for work, church, or Thanksgiving dinner

• May cause spontaneous divorce, neighbor complaints, or unwanted erections

• NOT California compliant unless the state gets nuked

Price: One soul, or best offer.

Serious inquiries only. No trades unless you have a haunted microwave, a taxidermy raccoon in a wedding dress, or something equally deranged.


 

Shipping, Layaway & Financing available!

We GUARANTEE THE BEST PRICES in the country on everything we sell.
We offer WHOLESALE PRICING for dealers!

We can CUSTOM BUILD anything, for anything, with anything. ANYTHING.
Please call or text us with any questions, or if you prefer to order over the phone, or for anything you cannot find on our website. (417) 429-3140

SHIPPING: Packages, Safes, Vending Machines, and other large products require custom shipping prices. We will contact you after you place such an order to figure out the specifics of where and how you want your order shipped. We work hard to keep your shipping prices as low as possible. Sometimes it is beneficial to ship part of your order to your FFL & part of it to your home, as the law allows, to save you money. Sometimes a pallet is cheaper if you have a way to unload it.

We want your package to be WILDLY UNIQUE!
Unless we happen to still have the originally pictured package in stock, which we rarely do, we just custom build your order in-house as soon as you place it.
We always change something about every package so that no two are ever exactly the same, ensuring that your hand-made package is truly one of a kind.
This may simply be a rearrangement of what is in it or may include similarly themed but different patches. Or whatever else our artists believe would look great while giving it a similar but original design.
If there are any specific details about your package that you do or don’t want changed, please contact us to let us know within an hour of placing your order. (417) 429-3140
Although we almost always have everything needed on hand to build your order, if not and we have to order anything to complete your order, we will call you so that you know when to expect your build to ship, or we can often make a quick and comparable substitution with something we have in stock if you prefer.

Although the pictured product may have originally included an AR-15 built by a different manufacturer, all AR-15s from 07/01/22 and forward, regardless of how it is listed, will be built by our team, under our sister brand, Sgt. Stitches Armory.
The quality of your firearm & your overall experience will be better as our team now has 100% control over every part of the process from a block of aluminum all the way through customization & on the very rare occasion needed, warranty work.
If for any reason you specifically prefer the originally pictured brand of AR-15, please contact us to specify so within an hour of placing your order. (417) 429-3140

Call, Text or Email to give us your texting #, your email address & your mailing address so that we can send you a FREE copy of our “Wildly Unique Guns” COFFEE TABLE BOOK & keep you updated with our monthly newsletter email! (417) 429-3140 or [email protected]

Check out a 360⁰ view of Mountainside from many different vantage points! Just click drag your finger or click & drag your mouse left or right to look around. Pinch to zoom in or out. Click on the gun in the orange circle to move to that spot! Start here: https://app.cloudpano.com/tours/bZ-K6bseu

Our Trucker/RV friendly property is right on Route 60 @ Highway U, 14 miles east of Springfield, MO.
The American dream is still alive & well! You can follow ours on social media! We get banned & deleted a lot, so follow all our pages so we don't lose touch.

www.youtube.com/@mountainsideoutfitters
www.facebook.com/mountainsideoutfittersmissouri
www.facebook.com/sgtstitchesarmory
www.facebook.com/wildlyuniqueguns
www.facebook.com/groups/mountainsideoutfitters
www.instagram.com/mountainsideoutfitters1776
www.twitter.com/mountainsideusa
www.truthsocial.com/@mountainsideusa

WE SHIP EVERYWHERE. If it is not legal in your state, we cannot sell it to you. Shipped guns must be sent to your local FFL (Gun or Pawn Shop) for you to pick up. It is much easier & simpler than most think. We will walk you through it.

Effective 03-27-25
LAYAWAY IS AVAILABLE ON EVERYTHING WE SELL, except for preowned & sale items.
ONLY $50 DOWN!
$25 MINIMUM PAYMENT PER MONTH to stay in touch.
YOUR FIRST 90 DAYS ARE FREE!
AFTER 90 DAYS A $50 FEE WILL BE ADDED for your account setup, processing, maintenance & storage.
ALL LAYAWAY ACCOUNTS MUST BE PAID IN FULL WITHIN 12 MONTHS.
A $10 LATE FEE will be added to your balance whenever a gap between payments exceeds one calendar month.
Payments can be made over the phone with a card but cash in person is appreciated.
Before you reach 75% paid, you may change your layaway, or use the money you’ve paid, less fees, as store credit, for a $10 change of order fee.
If our pricing or availability on your order has changed before you get to 75% to lock your order in, the $10 fee will be waived if you choose to change your order.
Once your account is 75% paid, we will then lock in, order, build, paint or set aside your purchase as needed so it’s ready for you when you are ready to pay it off & pick it up or have it shipped.
Please call to check pickup availability after reaching your 75% as it may take us up to 2 weeks to get everything ordered in to complete your order.
Any account that goes unpaid for 90 days will be closed & all monies paid are forfeited.
Any violation of our terms will result in the forfeiture of all monies paid.
Mountainside Outfitters reserves the right to modify our layaway policy at any time.

$0 DOWN FINANCING is available here: MountainsideOutfitters.com/financing

TRADEMARKS: Please note that we do not own or manufacture any licensed names or products other than Mountainside Outfitters, Sgt. Stitches & Sgt. Stitches Armory.
We simply purchase other companies’ trademarked products from various sources to include in our bundles and packages. All trademarks and registered trademarks are the property of their respective owners.